Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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