ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize