That's intense
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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