Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
