I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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