brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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