nut hugger
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
