Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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