you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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