I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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