Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
