he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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