the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
