The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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