Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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