just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I need moral support for this bender
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I AM VODKA MAN
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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