Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
