does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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