I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
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