he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
