Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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