So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
