Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
