Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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