my vag is so smooth its legendary
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
