i already hear my dad disowning me
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Randomize
