Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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