my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
