That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
