ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I currently don't understand fingers.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
