I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
