Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
