You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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