I'm so fucking centered right now
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
