my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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