Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Randomize
