Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
