turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
