I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
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