Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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