Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Randomize