come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Ketchup is God's man juice
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
