Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
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