:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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