It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
