Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Randomize
