you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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