You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
