I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
