hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
