You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
