I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
