I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
