I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize