Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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