just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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