dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
