I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
