One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
