Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Randomize
