Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Why is there bacon in the couch?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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