Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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