dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
you will always have a special place in my vag
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
