It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
i think my cat just said my name.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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