Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Randomize
