if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
