he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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