I'm laying in your front yard are you home
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize