am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
