I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
