need another drink. this is the easiest way
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
