His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
