I must be too annoying 4 u.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
This is classic penis vs brain.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
