Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
