some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
