Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
