you turned your livingroom into a bong?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Randomize
